This technique was Presented by Reinette Steyn to the Psychology (PsySSA)Conference in Cape Town on 13 Aug 2009.

Whether big or small, Trauma has always implied disruption of our sense of being “OK”.

The German word Traum means Dream, suggesting an experience in Dream State, or Nightmare, if you will.  Traumatic experiences generally have dream state power: symbolism, irrationality, unpredictability, polarised effects, and 2-dimensional characters – good or bad, victim or perpetrator.

Psychoanalyst Melanie Klein held that the Imagoes or mental representations we create of people who have in some way damaged us, are far fiercer and more relentless than the real life people on whom they are based; they are indifferent to all others’ pain or even delight in it.

I believe the same holds true for damaging or threatening events or experiences in general. 

They seem one-sided and overpower us with their unmittigating attack – Nightmare stuff.

The counter-balance for a nightmare, with all its vivid imagery, movement, unpredictability, and frenetic action, can’t be just a calm dream.  We need a similar strong arousal level as that of the trauma or nightmare experience, one that would stimulate the release of large quantities of positive neurochemicals to neutralise or displace the negative ones.

We need colour, movement, rush of action, stimulation of all senses, and exuberant energy in our healing imagery.  Let’s call it a Brightmare!  A wonderful, bright, positive dream state experience, with imagoes as impossibly real and incongruous to everyday experience, as those of negative trauma states.

The changing of the brain state to a positive but aroused state is an important intervention since we know that our brain functioning is so-called “State-Dependent”:  It is very difficult for us to access positive memories or habits if we’re feeling depressed, or calm memories or experiences if we’re feeling anxious, or powerful feelings when we’re in a trauma-induced powerless state.  And since the brain appears to prioritise highly aroused states as mode of ensuring survival, we need to create a similar level of arousal priority for the brain to change to a more positive and powerful state of functioning.

Different de-briefing therapies appear to have 3 common elements in their various protocols:
1]  Re-visit the traumatic experience in minute details, accessing all 7 senses, and replay with different perspective and speeds.
2]  Re-frame aspects of the experience so that they are more empowering & validating.
3]  Generate a containment / safe space experience.

In EMDR the protocol typically ends with 3 containment steps:
a]  De-potentiate the threatening negative imagoes, for instance by putting them into a Perspex bubble, or a composting tank, or shark cage.
b]  Anchor a feeling of being protected through a suitable image – blue light, angels, huge dog, etc.
c]  Help client to create or access a Conflict-Free Image [CFI].  Examples from patients include floating in a dam, playing with their dog as a child, flying overseas on holiday, throwing clay at opponents across a stream, giving birth, a secret place in a garden, etc.

Making light of actual traumatic events [big or small] is likely to be harmful, invalidating the painful experience, causing repression of the negative impact, and hugely annoying the defensive or protective ego-states, which may have disruptive and damaging consequences…

But we can speed up the process of re-empowerment and stabilisation of the self by enlivening the safe space imagery to create an effective counter-balancing “Brightmare” to the trauma-bad dream experience.  We do this through adding incongruous, laughter-evoking imagery to the client’s CFT or safe space.

Example:  To a young rape victim’s Safe image of eating ice-cream on the beach, one ciould suggest that the “ice-cream baby” had a big protector ice-goose that would nozzle her neck with its flat orange beak, and tuck her under its belly to keep her safe, till she sneezed so hard that it somersaulted backwards and looked very funny trying to regain composure.  Experience shows that clients, old or young, keep remembering the incongruous image and e laughter thus evoked seems to speed up the creation of efficacy and normalcy neuronal pathways.

We can thus play the role of movie or dream state director, generating strong and vivid positive states, to create an exciting Brightmare through suggesting additions to patient imagery, using the following tools:

- Add colour, brightness, temperature, physical comfort – or even slight discomfort such a tickling, texture, smell, taste, sounds.
- Enlarge the protagonist/s [including the Self] to absurdly huge size in relation to other elements or characters.
- Add incongruous characters, actions, occurrences, and situations.  It should end up being “silly” and laughter-provoking, while remaining reassuring and protective.
- Add fast movement, unexpected behaviours or events, dramatic, positive action, and make sure the client is part of the action in a powerful way.

Benefits are numerous, for instance:

- Neuro-chemicals evoked by laughter and energetic imagery create a brain state in which it is easier to recall victory and positive experiences, in contrast to the disempowering state created by traumatic experiences;
- Re-association to three-dimensionality of one’s life and reintegration of positive life experiences into the life narrative can occur readily;
- Through the balancing of Nightmare Dream States with Brightmare Dream States, normalcy is validated and permission is given to the self to laugh and experience happy feelings “in spite of” negative experience, etc.

The possibility for selection of possible characters and events is endless:  Why can’t the Elvis impersonator surfing on a Harley Davidson bike near the person’s safe place not have a mouse with long green eye-lashes playing ego-strengthening songs on the red lacquered guitar across his back, while the foam that shoots up from the Hog comfortingly tickles the client’s cheecks?

As long as the characters and events maintain the client’s sense of safety and security, and integrity of self, and add humour and some form of reconnection to happier or more ppowrful experiences, anything is possible.

·         How Memory functions

·         Causes of Memory problems

·         Some techniques to improve memory functioning

How Memory functions

There are various steps to memory functioning: 

Creating, Storing, or Laying-down a memory:

1.  We need to OBSERVE & ATTEND properly to the detail [data] that we wish to store / commit to memory.
This also implies that our APPARATUS must be intact and READY to function:  Just as a deaf person can’t lay down sound data because the apparatus is not intact, our brain memory functioning may be impaired by “faults” like inappropriate structure, tumours, or other damage.  This includes the absence, scarcity or overabundance of certain chemicals [e.g. neuro-transmitters] which may cause malfunction in this or the Retrieval stage. If your brain is dyslexic, you may find it extremely difficult to “remember” correct spelling of even easy words.                
We also need to ATTEND properly to the details we wish to remember:  How many times do we “hear” or “read” a message incorrectly?  - This is often the reason couples land in psychotherapy!  So, many people who are NOT dyslexic may spell words like “percieve” incorrectly because they did not Attend to the rules or examples as they learnt to write:  “e” follows “I” except after “c”:  believe, but perceive.

2.  We need to incorporate the memory data in an appropriate CONTEXT [as in a pc file / folder/ type etc].          
Our memory is STATE DEPENDENT:  We best remember data in CONTEXT, especially emotional and sensory context.  When the brain is in one chemical State, it easily recalls memories created in a similar state, and has great difficulty accessing memories created in a different state.  In effect, when you memorise facts while sober, you will find it very hard to recall them when drunk, and vice versa;  but when you memorise and recall in a similar state, recall is over 75%:  So if you’re drunk when studying, drink again when you write your exam, or otherwise stay sober for both! [Students, please note, this was an illustrative joke, NOT advice!]    
Think back to some memorable smells from your youth:  wet dogs at the beach can bring up a vivid picture of a specific day, including feelings of, for instance, exhilaration, the colour of the Frisbee they were chasing, sound of seagulls, freshness of the breeze, etc.  Or the smell of your favourite comfort food:  what are the childhood memories elicited?  The people/person involved?  The meaning it gave to your life?        
The same state dependency holds for emotional [i.e. chemical!] states:  when you’re depressed [i.e. have too little “feel good” chemicals like Serotonin or Noradrenalin in your brain] it’s extremely difficult to recall the positive memories, with associated thoughts, conclusions and sense of e.g. powerfulness or efficacy that you [or others] have had when you’re feeling happy.  That’s the difficulty:  the very things we need to feel un-depressed are the things that are extremely difficult to access.           
Similarly, if you’re fearful, angry or anxious [with e.g. too much adrenalin and similar “arousal” or “feel bad” chemicals flooding your brain], it’s very difficult to access the memories, thoughts and conclusions of a happy, peaceful state, which would be important for changing the state.        
That means:  feeling happy, non-anxious / powerful and positive generally requires hard and consistent work, especially when you’re experiencing circumstances that evoke opposite states.

3.  We add PRIORITY [usually emotional content or outcome significance] to the data.   
If something impacts us strongly, for instance, if strong negative or positive emotions are involved, the memory created has a higher impact priority than if the effect of the experience on us is small.  Usually larger parts of the brain or more “survival” parts of the brain are involved in such memories. Any form of Trauma can create very resilient negative memories, with negative “automatic” responses to trigger stimuli:  The Vietnam veterans [and anyone else with “shell shock” type of trauma] would typically dive behind a defensive structure if a car backfired in a street in their home town, far from the war, and assume a defensive posture or even pull out weapons to fire back at the “enemy”.           
Similarly, a strong positive memory [again, comfort food, or victory experiences like beating a strong opponent in sport, or your wedding day, etc] can be recalled vividly, with all the associated positive emotions, postures, facial expression, and positive outlook.

Retaining a memory:

In order to retain memory over time / create a Long-term memory we need to add priority, impact [emotional attachment or vividness], or reinforcement through repetition.  Non-impactful experiences and data that we encounter only once or occasionally, are forgotten soon; they are short-term memories.  Think of an object or document or programme that you seldom use:  we easily forget where it is, or how it works [like the few times a year I decide to use the Publisher programme on my pc!].  When we reinforce a memory [e.g. through prioritising or repetition], the tracks are laid down more permanently in the brain, in areas for long-term or for traumatic memories, for instance; these are the things we can remember despite even old age.  Repetition in itself is effective enough to create long-term memories – like an ugly jingle in an advertisement for a product in which you have no interest – these annoying tunes can stay with us, persistently over a very, very long time!

Retrieving a memory:

So it’s “on the tip of my tongue”? [Hope the answer you’re seeking is not “Arsenic”!] Accessing memories accurately is dependent firstly on them having been stored correctly.  It’s also dependent on the amount of distraction [e.g. anxiety or exhaustion] you’re experiencing when trying to access or retrieve the memory.  And – as explained before – on the brain state you’re in, whether it’s similar enough to the “programme’ or “format” in which the memory was stored.  PC-literate people will know that if you try to open, say a .jpg or an .xls file in a .doc [Word] programme, you’re likely to get something unreadable:  the tip of the tongue idea of “I know what should be there but I just can’t make it out properly” comes into play.  It’s important to maximise accessibility / retrieval by proper storage and by attention focus and same-state principles.

Causes of Memory problems

The causes are naturally related to the functioning explained above.     
We may have structural, chemical or attentional interference with the proper laying down of the memory tracks.  Or we may be in a state of mind that makes it difficult to recall memories created in other states, or a strong positive or negative memory may involve our brain in a way that prevents access to memories of lesser priority:  Its really hard to remember the 13x table while you’re running away from a ferocious grizzly bear;  unfortunately it’s also hard to recall the possible consequences the next day if you’re in the throes of ecstatic overeating, gambling, sex, shopping on your credit card, or playing pc games deep into the night!   

It is important to realise that memory may be the most observed impaired brain function in such situations, but [except in, for instance, localised damage to memory centres in the brain] it’s usually only one of many cognitive functions [thinking skills] that are impaired:  Clinicians [like Clinical Psychologists, Psychiatrists or Occupational Therapist] will often also note, for instance, slowing down of thinking [“slowed information-processing” – makes me think of how my pc worked before Morné Beck of Circuitbytes.co.za told me to buy a ton of extra RAMS!  This is pertinent:  the more “crisis” programmes / stress we load onto our brains for processing, the slower they work – at least until we find ways to “add resources”].  In addition to general “cognitive impairment”, slowed processing, and memory problems, people in chronic stress, anxious or depressed states are usually also unable to focus on anything not directly involved with the prevailing negative state and show deficits in concentration and attention – which would, of course, interfere with memory creation or accessing.

The Chemical factor:     
Apart from structural brain damage factors such as tumours, stroke, traumatic brain injury, genetic malformation etc, chemical states that become repeated, habitual, or chronic can dramatically impair memory.  Menopause is a classic example, or any long-term stress, anxiety or depression states.              
This is important:  in severe, long-term depression, for instance, the memory impairment can be indistinguishable from that in, for instance, Alzheimer’s disease!  Sometimes the correct diagnosis is only made after the Depressive state has remitted, often only after several months of treatment, with medication, cognitive-behavioral therapy including hypnosis, and sometimes even long-term hospitalisation with electroconvulsive therapy [“Shock Treatment”, ECT].           
People often don’t realise the effect of cumulative Life Stress [such as defined by Holmes and Rahe in the 1970’s] on the brain.  If you’ve moved home regularly, changed jobs or relationships a few times, been Ill or supported loved ones in serious Illness, been promoted at work or social organisations - over several months, your resources are likely to need regular replenishment in the form of self-care [including good nutrition and healthy exercise], uplifting or relaxing recreation, support systems, meditative [trance] states, etc. for you not to develop deficits in physical, mental or emotional health [or all three!].

Diagnostic Tests include Interviews, Mini-Mental state test, general individual IQ tests, and formal tests of memory function like the Wechsler memory tests.  Most commercially available Aptitude tests also have tests of memory function, and some self-tests are available in libraries or on the internet.  A simple self-test would be to learn a list of 10 items for 30 seconds:  you should be able to recall all ten one minute later and at least 8 after 30 minutes.

Some techniques to improve memory function

There are many self-help resources available to help you improve specific memory functions, like learning and retaining shopping lists or appointments.  If your memory problems seem severe, or deteriorate suddenly, you should best consult a suitably trained and qualified clinical psychologist to assist you with diagnosis, through interviews and possibly some neuropsychological tests.  If necessary s/he may refer you to e.g. a neurologist for scans, or a psychiatrist who can help assess which medication, for instance, can best help treat a psychological causative factor, etc.                
The informed psychologist can also select some techniques to teach you to help improve memory functions or even advise you about food supplements [such as Vit E, Vit B and Omega Fatty Acids] that may be helpful in improving functioning, or refer you to appropriate persons to help you create nutrition and exercise habits that will support improved cognitive functioning.

Here are a few simple techniques you can begin to use to improve memory function:

·         Attend and repeat:  Wolfgang Riebe [see www.theriebeinstitute.com] demonstrates how to remember strangers’ names by [1] attending carefully to the introduction, [2] asking for the spelling to be confirmed, [3] immediately repeating the name at least 5 times in the process, [4] associating the name with a feature of the person or his/her clothing [e.g. if Deidre is wearing a green dress one cold pun [in thought!] on “dear-green”, or imagine a picture of a deer – with Deidre’s brown curly hair etc - trying to drink from a dry green trough, etc], and [5] test and repeat soon after.  Never underestimate repetition – out loud: after all, that’s how most 80 year old people still remember their multiplication tables from primary school!

·         Write it down – in as few symbols as poss – pref w diagrm or abbr!

·         Use mnemonic devices, like rhyming words or anagrams.

·         Tell someone else in as much detail as possible, using all 5 senses, and movement:  Instead of “My bag was just stolen” tell the story – “I was sidling past a large man in a green pull-over when I felt a tug on my right arm.  I clutched the leather strap of my beige Gucci bag tightly and jerked my arm back, but saw the flash of a knife in a male hand, the grey sleeve above it, and then I saw my bag disappear from view.  I heard myself scream and saw people giving chase.  There was a smell of candyfloss and something like burnt oil…”  As you tell sensory and event details, you will be able to access the same brain STATE as the event and thus more easily recall further details associated with it.

·         For the same reason, you can either re-visit the scene, or look at pictures of it [for instance, of your childhood people and places if you have “few/no” memories of that period of your life], or create a vivid story about that time and space – and it doesn’t have to be “true”, just “plausible” or “probable”, for you to begin accessing more memories.

·         Recreate as far as possible the same situation and state in which you will need to recall memories [e.g. of exam material that you are studying] while you are learning the material:  if you will be sitting at a desk, without food, drink, music or pyjamas, in a cool room, with a pen and paper in use, when writing your exam, it will be useful to lay down memory tracks in similar conditions to create a similar state [or you could study in a lion cage to create a fear state, I suppose!]

·         Always test your memory and access path soon after noting the data: if you parked in bay K5 in the blue level, test this memory as you walk towards the elevator and glance back to check your facts just before you leave the area.

·         If necessary keep small book or diary handy at all times – like the one my 73 year old friend Adrian fits neatly into his shirt pockets, or a student I counselled after brain trauma wore on a thong around her neck:  it’s better to look over-efficient than stupid!

·         Repeating affirmations like “It’s so easy for me to remember things” or “If I just wait a few seconds it will come back to me” will help to decrease interferences from anxiety or depressed states as you’re creating Efficacy and Success positive states in the brain by such affirmations. 

·         Similarly, adjusting your posture and facial expressions to confident and cheerful ones, is likely to increase your ability to create or recall memory tracks in the brain effectively, by suggesting to the brain that it CAN attend to the information since there are no threats to survival that need all your attention first.

·         Stop multi-tasking when you lay down memory tracks:  immerse yourself in the event or material at hand; enjoy it, then pause for 3 seconds [or longer in complex tasks] before focussing on the next task.  However, restfully allowing your attention to wander slightly around the topic and associate it with pleasant images, may enhance recall under stressful conditions than anxious over-focus might.

·         Guess!  It’s actually more likely to be accurate than wrong, and even if your first guess is not correct you may by association arrive at the correct memory quite soon if you remain positive, humorous, and playful!

This question often brings clients to the psychotherapist’s office. Not when you are a member of the majority of the population whose sexual identity (experiencing yourself as either girl or boy from childhood) and sexual orientation (whom you feel sexually attracted to, mainly from puberty onwards) fits comfortably with the ‘norm’ of your family and cultural group…

But when you or a family member does not “fit in” with the mainstream accepted sexual behaviours, it is met with resistance, and usually results in traumatic distress for individuals, families, friendship groups. Even one’s work occupation may be jeopardised by revealing that one is, for instance, homosexual: As late as the 1990s a male colleague was reportedly refused access to a university clinical psychology training program because he was gay. Recently, I’m told, a winner of a country’s pop singer competition found that a prize sponsorship was withdrawn when he revealed he was gay. Judgement is still so severe that the label of homosexuality can be used as a threat, for instance in sexual harassment: Imagine finding out at work that colleagues are wary of you because the boss suggested you might be a lesbian, when you preferred not to sleep with him… (This has happened!)

Until the 1970s there were university psychology departments who “specialised” in “curing” homosexuality through behavioral methods like electric shock treatment: Young men who sought help for the conflict and trauma they were experiencing were, for instance, shown a series of sexually provocative pictures of male and female models, with shocks following the presentation of the male pictures. Around the world the issues around exclusion, for instance in the USA navy program, were widely published and debated in every possible medium.

So many questions are asked: Can this be cured? Should it be “cured”? How can (e.g.) God forgive such a “sin” if I continue to give in to my desires for the “wrong” sex? Did I or my spouse do something “wrong” to “make” our child “choose” to be (e.g.) homosexual? When, and how, do I tell my parents / friends? How can I find a life partner if I do not enjoy the stereotyped social “gay scene”? What happens if we want children? How do I tell my wife and children that I want to have surgery to be a woman from now on? Someone in my rugby/tennis/hockey club saw my partner and I dancing: how do I prevent rumours and ostracization?

Genetic, Choice or Mental Disorder?

Well, it could be all or none of the above! I will try to explain briefly in lay terms, but encourage readers who wish to know more about the interplay of biology and environment, to read Chapter 7 “Genetic and environmental influences on mental development” in The Brain and the Inner World - An introduction to the neuroscience of subjective experience, by Mark Solms and Oliver Turnbull (2002, London & New York: Karnac).

The genetic factor:

When two “half” cells combine to form the first “egg” cell of a foetus, the gender gene from the sperm cell is either X or Y. The female ovum cell is always X. So we are born with either XX or XY chromosomes on one minute part of our genetic string of determinants.

The basic difference in predisposition to develop into either male or female has a “genetic” component of only one part of chromosome 23 (the last of pairs of genetic material coming half from father and half from mother as our “genetic” inheritance), i.e. one forty-sixths of our genetic inheritance predisposes our gender and sexual orientation. (In the 1990s there was excitement about the finding of a “gay gene” but the reliability of this research has been generally questioned.)

The general “default” rule is: all babies will be “female:” unless there is a Y chromosome. When the foetus has a Y chromosome (i.e. XY) “he” will be predisposed to develop into a person with male genitals, if all further necessary steps follow in the mother’s womb. Thereafter, if - and only if - all other parts of the developmental “recipe” occur at the right time and in the right order in the mother’s womb, “he” will develop a brain that is “male” in its structure and functioning.

If any part of the “recipe” is not followed exactly, there are different outcomes to the predisposed development: for instance, we may have a child with male genetalia, but a female brain factor, so that “he” feels “he” is and should be a girl. We could have a child who has XY chromosomes (such as found in testing of athletes) but who is in every respect fully and completely girl/woman.

The same chances of biological differentiation occur with “girl” babies with XX chromosomes.

Please note that the above conclusions are based on thorough and up to date research; the actual cell clusters, brain cell clusters and chemicals involved have been identified (Solms & Turnbull, 2002; Levay, 1994; Rogers, 1999).

Biological factors:

I use this term to refer to what people often incorrectly term “genetic”, i.e., actual physical influences rather than “psychological beliefs” - although, of course the two are inevitably intertwined!

I will use the influence on the XY-predisposed male development as an example; again, the same influences can change the observable outcome of the XX development. (Information is based on current lecture series by Professor Solms. Consult the sources listed for more detailed descriptions.)

Changes that can occur in the womb:

Remember, if specific sequences of development do not follow in the womb, XY babies would be female! As the foetus grows it develops sex cells known as gonads, which from identical early sex organs in XX and XY foetuses. At a specific point in later foetal development, the Y chromosome (when the foetus is XY determined) plays its role: A substance called testes-determining factor is released and changes the genetic make-up of the gonads that would have become ovaries, into gonads that will develop into testes. This is the beginning of the development of the foetus into a male child. But the process can be changed at many later stages!

When the “male” foetus is 4 to 6 months old (second trimester), testicles begin to develop and release the hormone testosterone, which is transported to all cells through the blood and is recognised by testosterone-sensitive sites on several other foetal organs, which change for later “male” development, e.g., male genitals will form, breasts will not develop fully, hair growth will be different, and the voice box muscles will be shorter and thicker, resulting in lower voice, etc.

While I’ve said in summary that testosterone causes the changes, in fact it has to be transformed into dihydrotestosterone (dht) by an enzyme called 5-alpha-reductase. According to Solms & Turnbull, “the female body will only become a male body if enough of this converted testosterone is present in it” (2002, page 226, my italics). So with intrauterine influences, as well as influences from outside (e.g. when a drug, progesten, was given to pregnant women in the 1950s and 1960s to prevent miscarriage, which inhibited the conversion of testosterone), a baby may develop who has testes and XY chromosomes, but have female genitalia and external development.

Still later in the 2nd trimester of the foetal development another critical process is necessary for continued male differentiation. The testosterone now has to be converted (by the enzyme aromatase) into oestrogen (estrogen) which is now responsible for “masculinising” the still-female brain. If this process is allowed to occur, the soon to be “male” brain becomes larger (similar to other male organs compared to female ones). The growth of the neurological material that joins the left and right halves of the brain (corpus callosum) is inhibited so that this communication pathway between the two brain halves is smaller in male brains (which is a factor in generally better specialisation functions, like visuospatial abilities, in the male, and in better linguistic and “multitasking” abilities in females).

Another important difference in male / female brain development is in the third of four specific groups of cells in the hypothalamus (”INAH-3″), which is significantly larger in male than in female brains. This results in different amounts of various hormones being release in the body and brain in various stages of life, in males and females. This also mediates sexual behaviour in “normally developed” males and female to be different, as well as other social behaviours, such as nurturing and socially aware behaviour of females (due to oxytocin) compared to aggressive and active behaviour of males (due to vasopressin).

So, if for instance, aromatase is suppressed or insufficient, we can have a female brain (causing female-typical behaviours) in a male body. Conversely, if the male brain has formed and, for instance, castration later occurs in childhood (e.g. accidentally during surgery or circumcision, or even intentionally, as in previous centuries to keep boys singing voices from deepening), by puberty the child will identify himself as male, with male sexual and general behaviours and urges, even despite early introduction of hormones to “make” him a female child.

Note that stress in the mother affects the types and quantities of hormones released in the foetus, and any of this interaction may interfere with the “recipe” to become a male or female child totally or partially (with brain and genital confusion). This means that a foetus may be more or less aggressive, fearful, “novelty-seeking” (Cummings, 1994), etc. if mother is stressed or not, e.g. by financial circumstances; war; absent, drunk or abusive partner/s; sickly older child / partner / parent / sibling etc.; exams; moving house; changes in work, etc! And such changes in the baby’s personality traits by time of birth may result in different treatment by the parents and others, of what the gender-apparent baby would otherwise have experienced, for instance, a baby overstimulated by panic-driven adrenaline in the mother’s womb, may be irritable and aggressive at birth, and receive reactions that foster male rather than female behaviours later. Which brings us to…

Changes that can occur outside the womb:

I suggested earlier that some forms of homosexuality could be due to “mental disorder” - a nice attention-grabber since it seems to support some popular belief that homosexuality and bisexuality are “dysfunctional”! I do not believe or imply that gender roles and gender identity is sometimes caused by “madness”. I also do not define changes from the norm in any way as “sin” or other form of “aberrant” behaviour.

The fact is that many factors may influence a growing child or even a grown-up adult to behave in ways that may not have been predicted by his/her gender template once out of the womb. Some of the behaviour changes occur very early because of early interactions from adults, until a child may be stereotyped into considering possibilities of behaviour that fall outside the “norm”. If such behaviours result in positive reinforcement (such as receiving positive attention lacking in the relationship with one or more parental figures), someone may choose a lifestyle in accordance with, for instance, being homosexual or bisexual, even if their natural sexual attraction is not towards that gender or the specific individual. This is not a strange phenomenon: it has occurred for many centuries in heterosexual marriages and liaisons, when individuals had no other socially safe options but to “marry” traditionally, and “multiply”! Certainly in many cultures of arranged marriages a spouse may similarly have to live a life of sexual intimacy with someone for whom s/he can feel no attraction, or even revulsion.

While girl and boy infants may elicit different interactions from other people because of their different brain development, in terms of for instance aggressiveness and activity level, the mere fact that they bodily present as male or female causes people to interact differently with them: adults tend to have more language interaction with babies dressed in pink and more physical interaction with babies wearing blue (irrespective of the hidden gender of the baby).

Several of my clients have spent time exploring the effect it had on them as children when, for instance, the father or mother wanted a boy and got a girl baby, or vice versa. Children eager to win approval and acceptance from parents will often behave more like the opposite sex child they believe the parent would have wanted, and thus that type of gender-behaviour could be reinforced till it becomes firmly incorporated into the child’s sense of his/her own identity. Conversely, children may unconsciously rebel against strictly enforced stereotypical gender role expectations from one or both parents, or family groups, by behaving contrarily so consistently that the habit may appear to have become fixed; they can then feel powerless to change what has been their assumed identity for so long, and defend their earlier “choice” through even stronger opposite gender behaviour.

Other common psychoanalytically-identified factors may also be part of the unconscious or even conscious decision to accommodate discomfort of gender-foreign behaviour in order to be psychologically safe, or free, or comforted, or loved (etc.). For instance, if one parent is powerful and abusive, it might not feel safe for the opposite gender child to behave like the gender model: that may be interpreted as accepting a life sentence of suffering; it may seem inevitable that the only way to survive is to “identify with the aggressor”. An absent parent can also have many influences on the acceptance or “choice” of gender identity: if most of the men in a community, for instance, are generally away (at war, or working away in a city, etc.) one of the results may be that women in the community have to fill “male” roles, and model such behaviours to female children who may extend it to sexual identity and choice. This could also happen in an individual family too, and an absence of a male role model may be a factor in homosexual behaviour in male children…

“Mental disorder” can imply that a person has made certain (usually unconscious) choices to behave in ways that could cause significant distress in personal, work, or social life. These “choices” are often defensive structures to prevent perceived threats of annihilation or rejection from being realised. There are too numerous scenaria to cover even in several books. Sometimes homosexual or bisexual behaviour is an unconscious defensive strategy due to postnatal life circumstances; oftentimes it’s a biological necessity, and “authentic” sexual identity. In any case, it’s deserving of the same welcome and respect that inappropriately judgmental critics claim for their own beliefs and lifestyle choices, including their many defensive structures!

Finding acceptance

So what do you do if you think you fall into one of the categories of gender role or gender identity that may cause rejection? Well, if you’re content with the role or identity, then you may just have to find ways of dealing with societal bias, like a genius, or any other category of person that doesn’t always quite “fit in” may have to do!

You may want to consult with counsellors at facilities that specialise in sexual role and identity adaptation, like The Triangle Project. If you wish you may ask a psychotherapist in private practice to accompany you on your journey of self discovery, and to help you find ways of dealing effectively with the reactions of the rest of the world, as well as your own inner conflict (if present). You may read books and articles on the subject or download informed opinions from specialised internet newsgroups with proper moderators capable of screening out unsubstantiated statements.

Our sexual identity and role/s are a part of our potential or actuality as a complete and wonderful human being with many fascinating physical, mental and emotional qualities… Your current discomfort could be the key that facilitates a journey of integration and healing of many aspects of your complex personality, irrespective or inclusive of the “sexual” choices you may make or sustain. Don’t be afraid to ask for help on the way: we all deserve it!